


Reminiscing

by drnkgrlz



Category: Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, F/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-19 16:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drnkgrlz/pseuds/drnkgrlz
Summary: It was bitter, but it was true that she couldn't buy self-worth in a dime bag.





	Reminiscing

Marion tried to ignore the milk and honey on the other side of her smoke rings, but those thoughts rarely held onto themselves. She was trying to stay clean and sober and sane, everything she hadn't been since Harry left, but there was something about it that didn't seem so rewarding. Retaining memories is one hell of a drug and one she hadn't been willing to dip her feet into since she was with him. They did their shit together, but it didn't feel so impending then. Of course, they couldn't, but it felt as if they could stop at any time they pleased because they had nothing to hide or forget around each other. But now that was gone, all she could find herself doing was wanting to forget, but you can't move on if you've stuck yourself into a limbo of having no idea what the fuck is happening. So she stayed up night after night because she'd sooner kill than sedate herself again, and she tortured herself with the memories she thought she deserved to replay over and over and over again until she found peace. One night she sat herself down in her bathtub, reminiscing about the night's events. She wasn't proud by any means, but glamorization is a coping mechanism. So she let out a content sigh thinking about what she'd done to get her money, adding some rose tint to the whole experience so she could look at herself in the water's reflection. Shame wasn't something she was used to after years of getting high and feeling a part of everything, so to feel like a human again was dull and embarrassing, but something she'd deal with to get her life on track again. It was bitter, but it was true that she couldn't buy self-worth in a dime bag. But that one night made her want to choke on it all once again.

She heard the ringing from her bathtub and got up quickly with the nearly lost hope that Harry would be on the other line. This night replenished that hope when she heard his voice on the phone, almost not believing it. But it was him, talking to her, and she didn't know if she wanted to drown in her habits or let them eat her dust when she left them to lead a healthy life with her love, but she knew subconsciously that they had a winner, and it was the habits. As naive as she wanted to be, she knew that her fate lay in sweat-soaked dollar bills with which she'd later use to sniff the true love of her life off a table. Nothing was better than fucking Harry, but a cheap hit was far more attainable and beat out real passion every time. So she set down the phone and headed back to her tub of water run cold. She fell asleep and prayed to God she'd never wake up.


End file.
